Are you falling off the "Care Cliff"
One of the patterns I often see in the Leadership Circle Profile is a phenomenon where an otherwise very effective leader struggles with Caring Connection and Fosters Team Play - even when the other Relating competencies are high.
I've started to call this pattern the "Care Cliff".
I hypothesize that these leaders are good at "doing" relationships but not always at "being" in relationships. They are motivated and enthusiastic about helping others - but often don't allow others to help them.
Caring Connection is a reciprocal act. Others will experience your care only to the extent that you allow others to care about you. You can't DO caring connection; you can only BE in caring connection. It's an exchange. This also seems to be true for Fosters Team Play.
During debriefs, leaders will often ask, "what can I do to raise my Relating scores and demonstrate more care?" My question back to them is, "what is your relationship with asking for help?" More often than not, they don't.
No amount of caring for others will offset the canceling effect of not letting others care about you (true in work and life). These leaders are often very good at collaborating, mentoring, and interpersonal skills, but when it comes to Relating traits that require reciprocity and vulnerability, they fall off the cliff.
The pattern occurs for male and female leaders equally - but typically holds a different story.
Female leaders often follow the "Superwoman" archetype of being and doing everything for everyone else. Typically accompanied by high Perfect (pointed inward) and a blueprint for care that involves selfless service to others - while never being a burden.
Male leaders commonly fall into the "Marlboro Man" archetype. Extreme self-reliance with a healthy dose of Distance. A willingness and motivation to help anyone, but an inability to allow others to help them. The Lone Ranger.
Balance scores take a hit for both.
The unlocking move is vulnerability and patiently practicing the grace of allowing others to help. Being in real relationship is not for the faint of heart.
(Actual profile from a senior female leader. Includes edits to ensure confidentiality)