Early in life, I learned that to accomplish what you want, you must engage the world at arm's length and stay protected. Struggles with dyslexia and a fear of not being "fill in the blank" enough took vulnerability off the table. Better to struggle alone than let anyone know you need help.
Do it yourself and never ask for help became an adolescent mantra that echoed well into midlife. A strategy that served me well - until it didn't. As the African proverb says, "If you want to go fast, go alone; If you want to go far, go together.
Many of the leaders I coach have a similar pattern. High achieving and driven coupled with high protecting. A belief that to get things done, it's best to go it alone (mostly) and rarely, if ever, ask for help. The clever ones try to describe this as some form of “servant leadership”. It’s not.
When I work with the Leadership Circle Profile, I focus the debrief conversation on these leaders’ self-scores - the story they tell themselves about themselves.
These leaders often spent a lifetime protecting themselves from the outside, only to realize that their armor works in two directions. They may be safe from the worst of what the world throws at them - but it’s equally true that the world never gets to experience the fullness of what they have to offer.
High Protecting cuts both ways.
At midlife, we gradually, often reluctantly, realize the dragons have always been on the inside. But unlike childhood stories, these dragons are not there to be slayed - they are waiting for us to welcome them in. They hold our greatest gifts if we dare to claim them.
That's the work.