What are your hidden loyalties?

One of the areas I probe when debriefing a Leadership Circle Profile is how hidden loyalties factor into a leader's origin story. We all hold multiple loyalties - to our belief systems, family of origin, culture, nations, ancestry, or even groups of people we may not know.

Often these loyalties are "hidden" or unconscious - and can, when overextended, constrain our identity and diminish our impact.

The profile below is from a successful senior leader who was trapped in an exhausting pattern of overwork, self-criticism, and perfectionism (mainly directed inward). He had strong relationships. His people loved him. He made everything excessively hard on himself - it all came at a high price.

During his LCP debrief, we discussed his family of origin—generations of blue-collar workers. In particular, the men in his family made a living with their hands. They labored in the factories, mills, and plants that encircled his hometown.

It was the kind of place that captured the implicit loyalties in the opening lines of Bruce Springsteens' "The River."

"I come from down in the valley;
Where, mister, when you're young;
They bring you up to do like your daddy done"

He was the first in his family to attend university - and to not make a living with his hands. He was the only one of his childhood friends to leave their hometown. His intellect and abilities destined him for a different future. But his loyalty was to the mill and the men who came before him.

He shared a saying his father and uncles would repeat. "The world has two kinds of people. Those who shower before work and those who shower after work". explicit was the message that "his people" showered after work. Real work was difficult, dangerous, and dirty. To do anything less was dishonorable. To be anything different was disloyal.

He spent 20 years trying to transform a career as an executive into something that would honor his working-class roots. He needed to make everything in his life a struggle. He needed to come home exhausted. He needed to be a "shower after work" kind of man.

Our heritage, ancestry, and family of origin can be powerful allies on life's journey. We can also overextend our loyalties in a way that constrains our wholeness. Like with many things, awareness is the first step.

- What are your "hidden loyalties"? 
- How do they influence your choices and actions?
- What are the gifts to harvest - and the potential cost of over-extending?

(Profile based on actual leader with modifications to ensure confidentiality)